Tuesday, July 16, 2002
A SPECIAL KIND OF CREEP
It takes a special kind of creep to put his mother's life on the line for a political issue. And that's just the kind of creep who currently holds the title of House Minority Leader, one Mr. Little Dicky Gephardt.
Little Dicky choked back a tear as he recalled a recent phone conversation with his 94-year-old little blue-haired mother. Apparently her outgoes have outstripped her income and she can no longer afford the prescription drugs that have presumably kept her kicking all these years. Ah, never fear: Little Dicky has come riding to his mother's rescue, just as one would expect from a man who owns a six-bedroom house and pockets $150,000 a year from his Congressional salary alone.
But Dicky's plan doesn't involve him spending his money to help out his own mother. Hell no -- he'd rather wage an epic battle in Congress and across the nation's political landscape to force everyone else to pay for his mother's prescriptions. That she may die waiting for her drugs while this lengthy fight rages on is but a small price for Dicky to pay to score a major political victory.
It's no use reminding folks like Dicky that the family has been the elemental organizing principle of nearly every society ever known to exist. No sir, thousands of years of institutional success is no match for the contemporary elite's refusal to give up the dream of socialism. That's right mankind, you've been suckered lo these millennia! Our self-appointed social engineers spent a mere 65 years showing that we can all take personal care of hundreds of millions of strangers with the same passion and commitment that families have taken care of each other since the beginning of time.
And after all the socialists' hard work, we're only one more tax hike away from Freeshitopia. Honest! Just look at the successes they've amassed so far: a government retirement program with an average rate of return lower than a bank savings account; government schools that hand out millions of diplomas annually to urchins who can't even read them; government health care for seniors with out-of-pocket costs exceeding what their total costs were before the program was implemented; government housing that has ensnared multiple generations of families in a nearly unbreakable chain of poverty, not to mention turned thousands of marginal neighborhoods into slums overnight.
If these don't strike you as heady accomplishments, well you're right. Admittedly, we must go overseas to witness some of socialism's greatest triumphs: the murder of some 100 million dissidents; the embroilment of 3 whole continents in a decade of war; the near extermination of an entire race of people; the starvation of tens of millions through famine; and nearly two entire continents still wallowing in unspeakable poverty that was eliminated in capitalistic nations over a century ago.
Don't get me wrong, Dicky. I'm sure your mother is the sweetest little old lady in the world. Why, she'd probably even bake me a rhubarb pie if I knocked on her door and told her I was hungry. But America just isn't any good at this socialism thing. Judging by the results on other continents, I hope we're never good at it.
Besides, I have a mother too, and the day will come when she'll need help. The more you keep your hands out of my pockets, the better prepared I will be to provide her the assistance she needs when she needs it. So do America a favor, Dicky: go take care of your mother, and leave us alone so that we can take care of ours.
copyright 2002 by The Curmudgeon. May be reprinted in whole or in part with attribution.
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It takes a special kind of creep to put his mother's life on the line for a political issue. And that's just the kind of creep who currently holds the title of House Minority Leader, one Mr. Little Dicky Gephardt.
Little Dicky choked back a tear as he recalled a recent phone conversation with his 94-year-old little blue-haired mother. Apparently her outgoes have outstripped her income and she can no longer afford the prescription drugs that have presumably kept her kicking all these years. Ah, never fear: Little Dicky has come riding to his mother's rescue, just as one would expect from a man who owns a six-bedroom house and pockets $150,000 a year from his Congressional salary alone.
But Dicky's plan doesn't involve him spending his money to help out his own mother. Hell no -- he'd rather wage an epic battle in Congress and across the nation's political landscape to force everyone else to pay for his mother's prescriptions. That she may die waiting for her drugs while this lengthy fight rages on is but a small price for Dicky to pay to score a major political victory.
It's no use reminding folks like Dicky that the family has been the elemental organizing principle of nearly every society ever known to exist. No sir, thousands of years of institutional success is no match for the contemporary elite's refusal to give up the dream of socialism. That's right mankind, you've been suckered lo these millennia! Our self-appointed social engineers spent a mere 65 years showing that we can all take personal care of hundreds of millions of strangers with the same passion and commitment that families have taken care of each other since the beginning of time.
And after all the socialists' hard work, we're only one more tax hike away from Freeshitopia. Honest! Just look at the successes they've amassed so far: a government retirement program with an average rate of return lower than a bank savings account; government schools that hand out millions of diplomas annually to urchins who can't even read them; government health care for seniors with out-of-pocket costs exceeding what their total costs were before the program was implemented; government housing that has ensnared multiple generations of families in a nearly unbreakable chain of poverty, not to mention turned thousands of marginal neighborhoods into slums overnight.
If these don't strike you as heady accomplishments, well you're right. Admittedly, we must go overseas to witness some of socialism's greatest triumphs: the murder of some 100 million dissidents; the embroilment of 3 whole continents in a decade of war; the near extermination of an entire race of people; the starvation of tens of millions through famine; and nearly two entire continents still wallowing in unspeakable poverty that was eliminated in capitalistic nations over a century ago.
Don't get me wrong, Dicky. I'm sure your mother is the sweetest little old lady in the world. Why, she'd probably even bake me a rhubarb pie if I knocked on her door and told her I was hungry. But America just isn't any good at this socialism thing. Judging by the results on other continents, I hope we're never good at it.
Besides, I have a mother too, and the day will come when she'll need help. The more you keep your hands out of my pockets, the better prepared I will be to provide her the assistance she needs when she needs it. So do America a favor, Dicky: go take care of your mother, and leave us alone so that we can take care of ours.
copyright 2002 by The Curmudgeon. May be reprinted in whole or in part with attribution.
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